The most obvious sign of a mental health crisis will be a negative shift in a person’s behaviour and/or emotional state. While there’s no definitive list for what constitutes a crisis, some common warning signs include:

• Undertaking dangerous or risky behaviour,
• Withdrawing from friends, family, or regular social activities,
• Intense emotions – such as; rage, anxiety, or agitation,
• A decline in personal hygiene,
• Increased drug or alcohol use, and;
• Increased absenteeism from work, or a noticeable change in attitude or performance.

The majority of people will instinctively flag these behaviours as being abnormal, or ‘out of character’. However, many will downplay or overlook them to avoid having an uncomfortable conversation about mental health. Don’t be that person. Mates don’t ignore their friend’s problems.

While caught in the midst of a mental health crisis, many people will consider taking their own life. However, that doesn’t mean their decision is set in stone. Most people just want someone to acknowledge and understand their hardship. Most people just want someone to help.

The approach:

When making an approach it’s essential that you keep things low-key. Due to the sensitive nature of this discussion, that means finding somewhere private to discuss your concerns. Some people may find it easier to bring an additional support person in for this conversation. That’s not necessarily a bad idea. However, you should choose this person carefully…

This additional person MUST be capable of remaining calm and level-headed throughout the entire conversation – even if things start to become heated. Before you make the approach, this person must be on the same page as you as far as the role they’ll play in the conversation, and what you expect from them. Are they a mutual friend who can provide emotional support? Or are they physical back up – just in case the person has a violent outburst? That’s for you to decide!

If this person is not known to your friend, it may be best for them to hang back at a moderate distance – unless urgent assistance is required. This will reduce the risk of their presence intimidating or antagonising the person who is in need of support.

Safety considerations:

People who are suffering from a mental health crisis can be impulsive and unpredictable. While it’s not fair to suggest that people in this state are always a direct threat to themselves or others, it would be foolish to pretend that incidents do not occur. As such, the safety of yourself and others should always be your number 1 priority. Some basic rules to follow are: 

• Always attempt to discuss this topic outdoors, in an open environment. Ideally within earshot of help,
• Avoid entering confined spaces, such as; a house, a bedroom, or other close-quarters spaces,
• Always give yourself an escape route. If the person becomes aggressive or moves to block your exit, reposition yourself towards another exit, or place a large object – such as a tree or table, between yourself and the person to act as a barrier, and MOST IMPORTANTLY;
• Always trust your gut instinct. If the person becomes increasingly aggressive, or if something feels ‘bad’, or ‘off’ – leave immediately!

Research suggests that if you ask the question, you will get an honest answer – “Are you thinking about suicide?” [3]

The conversation: 

There are really only two ways to approach the question – either directly or indirectly. For example:

Direct – “I’ve noticed that you’ve been struggling lately, are you considering taking your own life?”
Indirect  – “Mate, we all know that when life gets hard some people consider taking their own life. Has this thought crossed your mind?”

The exact wording of the question doesn’t really matter – provided that you are not being vague, or dismissive of the person’s feelings or current circumstances. You may be concerned that by talking about suicide, you will put the idea into their head. Don’t worry. Research has proven this to not be the case. Instead, it will encourage them to open up about their feelings.

• Don’t express shock at the answer,
• Don’t judge them, and;
• Don’t guilt or shame them.

Instead;

• Listen.
• Find out what’s going on in their life right now.
• Find out if they have a specific plan to kill themselves, and;
• If the danger seems immediate, do not leave your friend alone. Seek professional help immediately!
  Check out the ‘offer support’ tab for more information on where to go for help.

If the person answers NO, that doesn’t mean they are safe. Suicide attempts are often impulsive. Half of the survivors say they thought about it for 10 minutes or less before making an attempt. That crisis moment can happen when you’re not around, so it’s best that you make a plan together before it gets to that point.

It’s time to have a conversation about firearms.

At this stage, the person has either acknowledged their suicidal thoughts, or you believe they still may be at risk of self-harm. It’s now time to address the elephant in the room – access to firearms, and the intent to use them.

Research suggests that if the preferred method of suicide is unavailable, many will reconsider an attempt at taking their own life. This is often due to the tipping point, or “fuck it” moment lasting just 10 minutes or less. By removing firearms from the home of a person in crisis, you are putting time and physical distance between the person and their preferred method of self-harm. In some cases that is enough time to save a life! 

Due to the stigma surrounding mental health and firearms ownership, there is an ever-present fear of firearms confiscation among the members of our community. Therefore, it would be wise to choose your words carefully when entering into this part of the conversation. Remember – the aim isn’t to forcefully remove their firearms. It’s an agreement. An act of free will between two friends, to prevent one of them from making a permanent decision due to a temporary life problem. 

An example of the appropriate wording would be – “I’m concerned that you may use one of your guns to take your own life, can I help you by storing them at my place for a while?”

Take note of how that example comes from a position of care and is not forceful or demanding. You should aim to find words that mirror this same position.

Make a plan

You’ve discussed the idea of alternative firearms storage arrangements with your friend, and they’ve agreed to hear you out. It’s now time to discuss the following options and make a plan.

The most effective way to minimise the risk of self-harm is to create barriers, or ‘decision points’ when a person attempts to access their firearms. There are many strategies available to create these decision points, but remember, it all rests with your friend agreeing to these strategies and being comfortable with them.

Outside the home

This safest option is to get the firearms out of the house temporarily. Ideally, you would be the one to safely store these firearms as you have initiated the conversation with your friend, and they have demonstrated a high level of trust to confide in you. However, this option may not be possible from a legal perspective – pending your circumstances and state of residence.

If for any reason you are unable to store these firearms, there are other options available, such as:

• A licenced and trustworthy friend.
• Your local hunting or target shooting club, or;
• An external storage provider, such as your local firearms dealer or an approved firearms storage facility (i.e. Kennards Self Storage).

Keep in mind that your friend doesn’t have to say why they want to store these firearms outside of the home when enquiring about the use of professional storage services.

Inside the home

If you’ve asked your friend to store these firearms outside of their home, and they’ve given you a firm “NO”, there are still other options available. Physical barriers can be implemented to slow down your friend’s access to their firearms and increase the time it takes for them to be in a ready and usable state. These include:

Physical barriers

• Removing and taking the firing mechanisms away from the home, i.e. the firing pin and slide, or bolt and lever assembly.
• Installing a cable or trigger lock on the firearm (ideally, with someone else controlling the key).
• Changing the safe combination, or taking the safe key, and;
• Removing all ammunition from the home.

Delayed access

• Encourage your friend to disassemble their firearms. This will give them time to think before assembling the firearm and attempting to use it, or;
• Installing cable or trigger locks on the firearm, with your friend keeping the key. This creates an extra step, which may provide them with enough time to reconsider their proposed action.

Remember – No matter what you agree on, the idea is to create time and distance between the impulsive decision of someone wanting to take their own life, and the act of following through with it.

If all else fails

If your friend has refused all of the suggestions above, they have one final option left to consider – the use of emotional barriers.

These barriers often consist of pictures or other mementos that remind the person of friends, family members, or other things that bring joy to their life. When placed inside the gun safe, they will cause your friend to pause and reflect upon what’s important in their life. Hopefully, this will buy them enough time to reconsider an attempt at suicide.

Emotional Barriers

• Place pictures of family and/or friends (etc) inside the gun safe, or;
• Tie some string onto a photo of a friend or family member, and wrap it around the firearm.

Remember – In order for these barriers to remain effective and in use, they must be implemented as an act of free will. If your friend refuses to accept any of the suggestions above, then you need to respect that decision.

Threats and aggressive behaviour

In the unlikely event that threats are made toward yourself or others, the best option would be a slow and calm retreat. Once you’ve made it to a safe location, contact emergency services for immediate assistance. At this point, you’ve done all that you can to assist your friend. The outcome is now beyond your control…

People are much more likely to seek help if someone close to them suggests it.

Creating barriers or ‘decision points’ for accessing firearms is a great first step in reducing the risk of self-harm, however, it does not solve the underlying cause of the problem. According to the currently accepted theory on suicide risk factors – the interpersonal theory, a person’s risk of suicide is influenced by three main factors; behavioural, emotional, and social.

The theory proposes that feeling like a burden to loved ones (emotional), combined with feelings of social disconnection and a lack of belongingness (social), may result in high-risk behaviours or a suicide attempt (behavioural). That’s why it’s important for people to be surrounded by a large network of support throughout the recovery process. Your role – as a supportive friend, is to encourage this individual to reach out to others and engage this support network. Suggested contacts may include:

• Friends,
• Family,
• Trusted work colleagues, or;
• Members of local sporting teams, or other recreational clubs.

Professional support may also be beneficial to your friend’s mental health, however, I recommend that you discuss the following options with your friend and allow them to decide which option – if any, best suits their needs.

Professional support

The validity of this option will no doubt be contested among many law-abiding firearm owners in Australia. This is due to the requirement that we maintain the Government’s standard of what they consider to be a ‘fit and proper’ person to hold a firearms licence, and how that benchmark conflicts with the modern research and statistics on mental health, suicide, and firearms use.

While I recommend that all those suffering from a mental health crisis should seek professional assistance, I do understand why this option may not be undertaken – as the risk of losing your licence is considerable for simply trying to improve yourself. 

However, as a minimum, I suggest that you offer to connect the person with one of the following free (and anonymous) mental health support services. This will provide the person with access to valuable information and resources that may be used to improve upon their situation – without fear of any undue negative consequences.

This may be an option for your friend – provided they work for a company that is large enough to have engaged the services of an EAP provider. These services are strictly confidential, and they will usually offer mental health and financial counselling services free of charge (as the employer will foot the bill). 

The information provided will not be shared with others, such as; the employer, partner, or spouse – unless the person provides verbal consent or written permission.

For more information on these services, contact the workplace supervisor, or check out site notice boards, or the employers website.

Websites and call centres

By now, most of us will be familiar with many of these support services. They offer a variety of useful information on their websites and provide 24/7 phone counselling, and online chat services. They are:

• Black Dog Institute, or the 24/7 support line 13 11 14
• Beyond Blue, or the 24/7 support line 1300 22 4636

One last thing…

Even with the best support systems in place, a positive outcome is never guaranteed. It may be difficult to accept (trust me, I know from personal experience), but if a person makes a choice to end their life, it is not a reflection of anything you’ve said or done during this process. As time passes by hopefully you can accept that you did everything humanely possible to save this person’s life. But the unfortunate reality is this – you cannot save everyone.

If you ever find yourself in this situation, make sure that you take some time out for your own mental health. After all, you cannot continue to help others, if you cannot look after yourself.